I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
