Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....

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(605): View more from South Dakota

it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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(478): View more from Georgia

All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."

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(240): View more from Maryland

When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

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(708): View more from Illinois

We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore

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(443): View more from Maryland

Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.

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(775): View more from Nevada

sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works

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