u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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