im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
