What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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