umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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