atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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