Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
