If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
