he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
