yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.