Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.