Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever