everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
