thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize