somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain