So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.