Have you finally orgasmed yet?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
