Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
