it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
