which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
