Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
