ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
