It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
