My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
