Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Welp...herpes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
