Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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