I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
