hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
