Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
