just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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