wat bout pragnant strippers??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
