I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i believe in u and ur pee
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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