Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
