I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
