RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
