Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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