shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
