Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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