New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
