so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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