I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
