You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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