I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
