half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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