part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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