How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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