Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
