I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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