I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
