Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
