just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
