Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
