You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
