you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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