For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
