my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
