Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
