I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
