Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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