I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
