I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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