We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
