So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
