Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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