you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
