she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize