after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
