so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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