is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
