and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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