How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
