Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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